God Makes Beautiful Things

All superlatives to describe this natural phenomenon seem pale and trite.  I'm so grateful for all the beautiful things God has made to make us happy.  Enjoy.

http://www.grindtv.com/outdoor/blog/30930/flock+of+starlings+dazzling+aerial+ballet+captured+on+video/

Beautiful Heartbreak

A friend posted a new Hilary Weeks song last week, and I just had to share it, and have a record of how much it's meant to me lately:

Beautiful Heartbreak

Tyler Castleton and Hilary Weeks

I had it all mapped out in front of me,

Knew just where I wanted to go.

But life decided to change my plans,

And I found a mountain in the middle of my road.

I knew there was no way to move it,

So I searched for a way around.

Broken-hearted, I started climbing,

And at the top I found

Every fear, every doubt, all  the pain I went through

Was the price that I paid to see this view.

And now that I’m here, I would never trade

The grace that I feel and the faith that I find

Through the bittersweet tears and the sleepless nights.  

I used to pray He’d take it all away,

But instead it became

A beautiful heartbreak.

I never dreamed that my heart would make it,

I thought about turning around.

But heaven has shown me miracles

I never would have seen from the ground.

Now, I take the rain with the sunshine,

Cause there’s one thing that I know.

He picks up the pieces along each broken road.

Every fear, every doubt, all  the pain I went through

Was the price that I paid to see this view.

And now that I’m here, I would never trade

The grace that I feel and the faith that I find

Through the bittersweet tears and the sleepless nights.  

I used to pray He’d take it all away,

But instead it became

A beautiful heartbreak.

I would never trade the grace that I feel and the faith that I find

Through the bittersweet tears and the sleepless nights.

I used to pray He’d take it all away,

But instead it became

A beautiful heartbreak.

I don't think I'm even close to the top of the mountain that's in my path, so I can't describe the view...yet.  I think that's why this song resonated so.  What a profound oxymoron, an inspired juxtaposition - "beautiful heartbreak."  In the worst of certain trials, the sanctifying fire that burns away the dross is so achingly beautiful because somehow, you feel yourself being made more fit to be in the presence of the Lord because of it.  A person who refines silver must watch the heat closely to perfectly refine the silver.  Not enough heat, and the impurities aren't burned away.  Too much heat, and the silver is destroyed along with the impurities.  It takes just the right amount of heat, and just the right duration of heat, and the refiner has to watch very carefully.  He only knows the silver is ready to come out of the heat when he can see his reflection in the surface of the silver.

Every single person has his own personal fiery furnace, and one of the most hopeful conditions of citizenship in the celestial kingdom is "seeing as we are seen, and knowing as we are known."  I believe that is why we pray for charity - the gift to see and know, without worrying so much about being seen or being known.  "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure..." (Moroni 7:48) 

"Be kinder than necessary; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."  

The Homecoming

You can learn a lot from your kids.  Grant spoke in church yesterday, and gave a beautiful talk about what he learned on his mission:

1.  Don't be a baby.  This is never a bad thing to learn, and generally needs to be learned over and over.  And over.

2.  Put God first in your life - He is your DAD.  No one loves you more, and your prayers should be TALKING to Him.  It's so much more than "We thank Thee, we ask Thee...." from Primary.

Grant told a story about a little tiny boy, Tino, the stake president's son, who gave a prayer and kept calling Heavenly Father "Poppy," as he asked Heavenly Father for things that Grant felt that he specifically needed at that time.  Grant said he was very grateful to have learned to TALK to His "Poppy" from Tino.

He told about a tiny little outpost of the church, down at the tip of the continent, called the 28th of November (it's cooler in Spanish). He said one member's home was the most holy place he had ever been, besides the temple.  He said the man felt his home needed to be sacred, because of being so off the path of any church jurisdiction.  Grant said he could feel that the Lord had not forsaken these few saints in this tiny little area, out in the middle of nowhere - that no one in the world may know about them, but the Lord knew about them, and watched over their lives.  "For can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on ths on of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee, O house of Israel.  Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me." (1 Nephi 21:15-16).  He learned that he is not alone from the 28th of November.

Lastly, Grant told of David and Maria, a family who had a huge trauma befall their family the day after their baptism.  He told of counseling David that this event could bring him closer to God, or tear him away from God - but that he, David, would be the one to decide.  He said one of the most meaningful moments of his entire mission was watching the change come over David's face as he made the decision to stay with the Lord.  He learned to stay with the Lord, through anything that could happen to him, from David.

The last area in Grant's mission was a return to an area where he served very early in his mission.  He spoke about how powerful it was to see different people's choices to move closer to the Lord - or not - over that year and a half in between.  It reminded me of Alma meeting Ammon and his brothers after their fourteen-year mission to the Lamanites, how overjoyed Alma was at learning that his dear friends were still faithful to their covenants.  It was particularly poignant to consider, after hearing about a family who could have been ripped away from their tender, newly-planted gospel roots at the very outset of their planting, but instead, to reach down deep into that soil and cling to their covenants, and to their God. 

I love what I've learned and how my faith has been strengthened as I've watched my son serve a mission.  I'm sure gonna miss those Monday emails.

Grant and cousin Isaac

Grandpa Simper and Uncle Dick

Cousin Sarah - new Aggie! 

Aunt Julee and Val

Why didn't we get Grant in here?

Susie Peterson, David Mann, and Megan



High school friends - Chantelle and Mietra Aarabi



Cousin Bronson, and friends Cory Swensen and Jordan Prestwich

Megan and Jeanne Huffty, with Jeanne's hubby Elmer

Grandma and Grandpa Naylor

Aunt Michelle and cousins Ashton and Peyton - who turned twelve the day before

Megan with Shaunie Mendenhall

Elder Cameron Beatty, one of Grant's companions, with Aunt Tammy and Sarah

Shaunie and I in deep conversation, Connie and Julee chortling over chips

Susie Peterson and Chantelle

Shaunie and Connie - true sisters to me

Leslie Rogers and Chantelle

Uncle Kyle

Foreshadowing....Heaven

Two days ago, we had a taste of what I imagine it's like to pass through the veil at the end of our lives.  As I stood in the airport waiting to see our missionary man child come down the escalator inside the terminals, we waited with three other families whose sons were traveling with Grant:  Elders Harris, Healey, and Peterson.  Naturally, we were all instantly friends, because we were all there for the same purpose, to welcome valiant sons home.  Then we caught that first glimpse of them, predictably near the end of the disembarkment, and suddenly, we weren't one big group. We were four individual groups, sacred family units, sharing a private, sweet moment of reunion.  Suddenly, Grant wasn't the disembodied idea of Grant that he had become over the past two years.  He was my Grant, our Grant, that sweet little boy, loping down that hallway towards us, a man home from his first big commission from the Lord. 

It was Wednesday afternoon, and because of changed travel plans, the dear boy had essentially been up since Monday morning at 6:30 Buenos Aires time.  He looked dazed and confusedly happy. 

This must be what heaven will be like, welcoming each other after completing our life's missions.  There will be people there to greet us and welcome us home again.  It will be familiarly strange....and strangely familiar.  Being together again with people we may have been separated from our entire mortality, it will surprise us that we remember and know grandparents and others whom we never met in this life. 

You can't really say that it feels like he's never been gone, because the separation mattered so much.  It was vital that Grant's first two decades of life be tithed for the Lord, and all four of us are different people because he served.  I am so grateful for this son.  It was joyful, yesterday,  to watch him get up and study, make his bed (!), clean up after himself, ask every few minutes, "What do you need?  What can I do for you?", thank me for the meals I've fixed him, allow me to chase him around the bar in the kitchen for hugs, the way I used to before he left.....only now, turn around suddenly and run right into my arms.  I'm so grateful for children who grow up and still want to come home!   

The apostle Paul calls followers of Christ "children of light."  I am so grateful to have raised children who love light.  Light is the way by which we see everything else. The Light, is what helps us discern truth - "things as they really are."   





Lookin' for the Boy...

Here he comes!

Best friends

Grandma Naylor & Megan

Grandpa Naylor

Uncles Kyle & Bryce



And the one who makes him cry?  His first mission president - President & Sister Argyle
"Don't cry because it's over.  Smile because it happened."    -Dr. Seuss



Elder Peterson, Elder Simper, President & Sister Argyle, Elder Healey, Elder Harris

President Argyle gave his missionaries specific "return and report" instructions when he left Argentina in July, 2010.  This is Grant, obeying those instructions.

Dan Furner, Grant's bishop who sent him into the mission field

Tim Richardson, Grant's Weblo's leader, then, the Young Men President when Grant was a priest

Mom #2 - Connie Bell - Grant's piano teacher from age 5 to 18

Mietra Aarabi - one of Grant's best friends since junior high

Tomorrow...


So much to do in the next 30 hours.  So for now, I just have to say that tomorrow, my little boy is coming home.  He'll get on a plane in Buenos Aires @ 10:30 tonight (their time, 7:30 our time), and land in Miami tomorrow morning @ 7:00 a.m.  He will be in my arms @ roughly 4:45 p.m., tomorrow afternoon. 

Being in Grant's air space is a very, very good place to be.  He really knows how to be present.  In fact, I love to say that he will never be mistaken for being absent!  He sees people, and he loves what he sees.  He has one of the most beautiful hearts that I have had the privilege of knowing in this life, and I'm honored to be his mother.  His patriarchal blessing said he asked to come to our home, which I will marvel over until my dying day.  After that, I'm hoping it'll make a little more sense. :)

The very best thing I have done with my life is bringing up two amazing human beings that are making this planet a better place.  Today, I am having joy in my posterity. 

Gotta go make somebody's favorite peach dessert.

When did he go from this...

.....to this?

Last time I saw Grant's face, I yelled to him, "Come what may, and love it!"

Feeling a little punk on this day, but I love this picture of study time!

BBQ-ing with one of Grant's dear convert friends, David

True sign of manhood:  burning your boyhood blankie

Preaching to the penguins

Grant's standing on a frozen river...he wrote, "I walk on water on a daily basis."

Just think:  there are thousands of groups of missionaries like this all over the world.  What an army!

In over my head and advice from Pixar



 Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

Six months ago, in the thro's of bleak mid-winter (yes, it was April, and yet, this particular year, it WAS the bleak MID-winter) I started to worry that I may be slowly dying.

So much of my life was in a comfort zone, that - as often happens when we get a little older - I was starting to feel like that comfort zone was beginning, ever-so-slightly, to shrink.  I'd been teaching piano, off and on (more on than off), for 28 years (yes, I started when I was 10).  I had had teaching callings in the church for 12 consecutive years.  I struggled with routines, but I was even used to that, recognizing my need to approach them with my unique little A.D.D.-ness, and knowing that with the ebb and flow of each year, it always felt like I was fighting my way out of a paper bag...

When in May, as I was still fighting my way out of this year's paper bag, I started to have problems with tendonitis in my right wrist.  I continued to nurse a war wound in my left foot as well - aka: zip line injury from girls' camp four years ago.  I laughingly noticed one day that every single move I was making - to get in and out of my car, put groceries away, change laundry, etc. - was designed with one major objective:  AVOID PAIN.  As very often happens when I make these wry little observations, the spirit whispered the eternal truth connected to my observation, "You're doing that spiritually, too."

That feeling I had had in the previous several months, that I was slowly dying inside, crystalized in this new realization, and with it, the further realization that if I was going to make the choice to avoid pain in this life, I was going to die before my heart had the sense to stop beating. If I continued on the path I had set my unwitting feet on, I was going to become incapable of feeling, all because I had decided it might be too painful.

C.S. Lewis said,

"There is no safe investment.  To love at all is to be vulnerable.  Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken.  If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal.  Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.  But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change.  It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.  The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk  [my italics] of tragedy, is damnation.  The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.

"I believe that the most lawless and inordinate loves are less contrary to God's will than a self-invited and self-protective lovelessness....We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armour.  If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as a way in which they should break, so be it."

In my prayers, I began asking Heavenly Father to help me wake up, and live.  In feeling the kind of pain connected with my current trials, I didn't want to shut down and be incapable of feeling anything.  And as part of that,  I didn't want to sleepwalk through life, incapable of being an instrument in the Lord's hands, to bless, and serve, and minister.  I've always loved learning new things, and I didn't want to shut myself off to one of the biggest joys in this life, and in the next life: growth and progress.

Fast forward to Sunday...

I was talking to a friend about having too many new things on my plate, and it hit me how every single thing going on in my life right now has me in a huge learning curve.  Six months ago, everything in my life was in my comfort zone.  Now, everything in my life is OUT of my comfort zone.  And since I begged the Lord to not let me die inside, it's all tender mercies.  It's like the Lord plucked me out of my old life, and tossed me into the deep end of the swimming pool.  To have EVERY. SINGLE. THING be out of my comfort zone puts me in a state far, FAR from grace.  That learning curve is messy, and awkward, and clumsy.  And when you've been in your comfort zone for any extended period of time, all your natural man instincts practically scream at you to go back to the old way, where you're comfortable, where it's easy.  I just have to know that the Lord's grace is available in all of these new circumstances...AFTER ALL I CAN DO.  And it's just going to look messy until that starts to happen.  He is sooooo good to me, to answer my prayer in such a huge way.  It's one of the reasons I feel hesitation to put anything down while I'm figuring it out. I keep trying to just take one day at a time, and since all these messy things are gifts from a loving Father, I plead for guidance, and strength, and FOCUS.  Always focus...

And then, as I get up off my knees, and wonder where on earth to plunge in today, I hear this hysterical little voice:

 

Sushi

I love California rolls.  They feel like a huge splurge, but they're not.  What could the problem be?  That's all for today. 

Greek Yogurt and other Wonders

I have discovered Greek yogurt. I cannot describe the depths of my joy in discovering this tasty healthy treat. It is good alone. It is good with fruit. I'm devising a mock cheesecake type dessert with fruit and Greek yogurt. I'll let you know how it turns out. God bless the Greeks.

I have discovered yams. Yams rock. This should be a cheer. Here are some of the things I have done with yams: 1) steamed them like steamed potatoes; 2) baked them like baked potatoes; 3) cut them in wedges, season with whatever spices, and bake like baked potato wedges; 4) roast them; 5) I am going to slice them very thin and dehydrate them, like chips. My brothers have joked for years that the pilgrims ate yams at the first Thanksgiving because they thought the Indians brought them, and the pilgrims didn't want to offend them (the Indians, not the yams). YET, the Indians thought the PILGRIMS had brought them, so the Indians ate them so as not to offend the pilgrims. My brothers are idiots: not because of this story, but because they won't eat yams. Yams is yet another food that will rise with us in the resurrection. God bless yams.

Shrimp. I haven't discovered shrimp, I've just been eating it in my homemade cocktail, which is something akin to chunky V-8 juice with attitude. God bless shrimp.

Oatmeal. Oatmeal with fruit and walnuts in the morning, and a couple of tablespoons of fat-free Coffeemate is almost the equivalent of fruit cobbler for breakfast. God bless oatmeal.

When you start looking for healthy food, and eating more healthy food than low-octane, only-fill-you-up food, food is an amazing experience that fuels you, strengthens you, makes your joints stop aching (less inflammatory than SUGAR), and your brain is overcome with C-A-L-M. And here's the best part of all: you start actually craving healthy food. Except it's not celery. I think it's for certain that I shall never, not even in a resurrected state, crave celery. I'm just sayin'.

Mid week

Technically, this is the end of Day five in a Game On week. I've finished teaching for the day, and I'm pooped. It's been a good day, exercising, eating, and otherwise. One day at a time....

Monday, Monday

Let's talk about gratitude... I am thankful I am seeing sunshine today! I am thankful that the 15 points for sleep is getting to be fairly routine - first thing I thank Heavenly FAther for every morning. I am thankful I am finished with my loathesome exercise for the day. I am thankful I get another chance today. 5 points. Go me.

Conference and Parallels

There was a talk about the difference between what we DO and what we ARE. (To be, or not to be...). GREAT talk. It got me thinking about how we try to change unhealthy habits.

It's not enough to DO the right things, as all last year's contests have clearly taught me. I didn't BE somebody different underneath, so the minute the contest was over, I went back to unhealthy habits. Not all of them, thankfully, but GOOD NIGHT. I have never fought my crazy drunken Swedish genes more than this past winter. I really need to ponder the connection between DOING and BEING when it comes to healthy eating. I want to DO these healthy habits enough that I BECOME someone who doesn't want to DO it the way I am right now.

That's why I decided to just jump back into this, by myself, with no one to account to, but myself. I can't super-impose all this outer structure onto this project, only to find that the minute that structure is gone, I fall back to my old ways. Even as I type this, that makes me sick: what am I, four? Oprah Winfrey said something to this effect: Integrity is doing the right thing, even when you know that no one is ever going to know. I want these habits to be an integral part of my BEING, so they don't go away when no one is looking! Which, sadly, could mean that I will be at this for ANOTHER six years.

I started, six and a half years ago, working on weight management in earnest. In 2004, I weighed 30 pounds more than I do right now. Sadly, though, I weigh nearly 15 pounds more than I did last summer. And here's the stupid thing: I kept most of that off over the holidays! It's been January and February that really did me in. (remember the crazy drunken Swedish genes? Yeah, that. If I were in Sweden 400 years ago, I would have been drunk in a corner, sleeping till spring. Instead, and thanks to the gospel, I'm EATING and sleeping in the corner till spring) Pretty good weekend with my free meals today (only 2 - had a fabulously healthy breakfast).

When it comes to weight management, DOING is extremely important, but you need to DO until you BE......different......inside. Here's to it.

Day 2

Hardest part of today: walking outside again. Who knew you used different muscles for outside walking and treadmill walking? WO.

Free meal for breakfast - @ JB's, before conference. I was quite excited about the hash browns - the biggest splurge of the meal. In fact, because of the hash browns, I chose poached eggs. Very satisfying, controlled free meal. Shrimp cocktail for lunch - it's like sassy V-8 juice. Well, it IS V-8 juice, with green peppers, green onions, and celery. And Worcestershire. And horse radish. And lemon juice & vinegar. Then shrimp. What could the problem be. Add a big plate of veggies with some dip.... Dinner was a little dicey, and almost got out of control. Big D was @ the priesthood session of conference, I was alone....you do the math. I had a piece of Italian bread, and realized that was not what I wanted. So I had Special K. Weird, but true. And Greek yogurt for dessert. New sensation. After careful consideration, I believe it will rise with us in the resurrection. No veggies, but I consider the Special K & Greek yogurt a clear save from what could have been a disastrous evening.

Tomorrow is a free meal for dinner, with MY peanut butter fingers for dessert at the extended Forced Family Fun. Yes, I embrace my bad attitude. 5 points for blogging. Two days of perfect score. It's nice to be back in the driver's seat.

Going Solo

Last year I did a contest for healthy lifestyle changes with several other people. It taught me some valuable new habits, but, like most new habits, they didn't stick like I hoped. I decided this week that I'm going to resurrect the contest for myself, to hold myself accountable.

Myself! Accountable! Myself accountable....I know these are all English words, yet together, in this strange, new combination.....it's blowing my mind. Nevertheless, today is Day 1 of my own Game On competition. I am going to pay myself for every week I score 685 or better, and there will be a bonus at the end if I get 100%. (I, like George Lucas, am sort of making that part up as I go along - I need to figure it out precisely by the end of the weekend) But I love starting on Fridays, so today is Day One. I've got fresh vegetables and a low-fat dip to take to the ward party. I've used "My Plate" on the Livestrong website, to track my eating, exercising, and water drinking for the day, and I feel great.

The trick for me - perennially - is PAYING. ATTENTION. For longer than 35 seconds. That's why I've got to do this - to make some of these newer behaviors (that flew OUT the window after Christmas) automatic, where I don't have to think about them.

Best thing I ate today - strangely - was my homemade roasted vegetable soup for lunch, with a plain piece of whole wheat bread. I felt like Heidi up in the mountains, eating with her grandfather. Best overall thing of today - WALKING OUTSIDE IN THE SUNSHINE. Oh my goodness, Vitamin D - how I have missed you. Here's to 8 fantastic weeks, and ca$h at the end for smaller clothes for choir tour. :)