Spiritual Confidence

I had the wonderful experience to speak to a young single adult stake of women this morning. A dear friend is the new stake Relief Society president, and invited me when their original speaker couldn't come. I rarely write my talks out, but felt strongly impressed to do so this time. The topic was on developing spiritual confidence...

On its surface, the topic of spiritual confidence has some contradictions that must be addressed. Much has been spoken to your generation in particular about developing confidence. The world has actually structured the way childhood should be conducted around the notion that this is the all-encompassing objective of raising a child. At best, this has produced dubious results, and at worst, disastrous results. I can tell you that I've learned from my own experience that the world's definition and approach to confidence is Satan's counterfeit for the real thing - the confidence that waxes strong as you stand in the presence of God. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are called the Creator, and Satan is called the destroyer. As the destroyer, he can create...nothing. He can only copy and imitate. The best gifts and guides that Father has for His children are imitated by Satan in an effort to distract us, deceive us, get us to digress from our path back home, and ultimately destroy us. 

VOCABULARY LESSON! You've all heard the term 'anti-Christ' used to describe a person or belief that is against the teachings and mission of Jesus Christ, but the prefix 'anti' has a second, lesser known meaning. 'Anti' also means 'like' - so something 'anti' is something very like something else. That finally made the name 'anti-Nephi-Lehi' so much clearer to me! The converted Lamanites wanted to IMITATE the righteousness of their forefathers when they took the name of 'anti-Nephi-Lehi'.  Thus, the term 'anti-Christ' uses both meanings of anti: an anti-Christ doesn't just fight the Christ, he IMITATES the Christ.  In October 2010, Elder M. Russell Ballard taught something very important about Satan's counterfeits when he talked about fishing lures used in fly fishing. To be effective and catch the fish - they had to look like the real thing. 

The world's counterfeit of confidence, versus the real confidence that your Heavenly Father wants you to feel, are worlds apart. And because we live in a temporal - temporary - world and are surrounded by temporal - temporary - things, it's the most natural thing in the world to become confused or deceived if we don't know the Lord's doctrine. 

Elder Jorg Klebingat of the Seventy gave a beautiful talk in April this year about approaching the throne of God with confidence. I recommend it for the 'how's' of developing confidence. Principles like taking responsibility for our own spiritual and physical well being, and making the commitment to intentionally practice repenting, forgiving, and obeying, are timely, timeless, and priceless. But I want to spend our time this morning talking about the 'why's.  Elder Bednar has consistently taught that the doctrines of the gospel are the 'why's', and the principles and commandments are the 'what's' and 'how's'.  The commandments are how we obey God, but the doctrine is why.

One of the most life-changing doctrines President Boyd K. Packer has taught me was that true doctrine, understood, changes behavior - that the study of doctrine changes behavior quicker than the study of behavior changes behavior.  I want to talk to you today about why we want to develop spiritual confidence. Stephen R. Covey once said that it's easier to say 'no' - to things that don't matter, for example - or especially to something that is wrong, or even evil - when there is a greater 'yes' burning inside of you. It's my belief that knowing the doctrines - the why - of the gospel makes it easier for us to not only be obedient, but to be more willingly, joyfully obedient. It's in learning the why's of the gospel that we're able to write God law's on the fleshy tables of our hearts. (2 Corinthians 3:3).

So let's start where all the great missionaries in the Book of Mormon do - with what Elder Bruce R. McConkie called the three great pillars of eternity: the Creation, the Fall, and the Atonement. These are the doctrines that will best prepare us to make and keep sacred covenants in the temple, and enrich our temple worship afterwards. Understanding the Creation and the Fall are essential to better understanding the Atonement - most particularly - our individual need for it to help us enter into the presence of the Father after getting dirty in this mortal, temporal - temporary - world.

Abraham 4:18 teaches something powerful about the Creation - it says that the Gods watched over the things they had created - the planets, the sun, moon & stars, the water, etc. - they watched over these things until they obeyed. This is a beautiful illustration of nurturing. God the Father and Jesus Christ watched over the earth until it knew how to stay in its orbit! They watched over the seas until they got the whole tide thing down. They watched over the trees until they knew their job to create new leaves in the spring, and shed the leaves and go dormant in the fall and winter. They taught all their creations to obey.

Now, the teaching of their children - with free will - was different. They had been teaching us to be obedient for a very long time, but they prepared this beautiful earth for us as a testing ground to see if we would choose to obey in conditions of both light and darkness - both good and evil. When confronted with the eternal laws of God and Satan's counterfeits that only satisfy in the immediate now, which would we choose?  Abraham describes what this test would be like, from the vantage point of the pre-earth life:

"Now the Lord had shown unto me, Abraham, the intelligences that were organized before the world was; and among all these there were many of the noble and great ones;

"And God saw these souls that they were good, and he stood in the midst of them, and he said: These I will make my rulers; for he stood among those that were spirits, and he saw that they were good; and he said unto me: Abraham, thou art one of them; thou wast chosen before thou wast born." (Abraham 3:22-23)

Institute teacher David Christensen testified to the youth of our stake several years ago that we were all these noble and great ones, and get this: he taught that the thing we were to rule was ourselves. God gave each of us our own little kingdom - consisting of intelligence and a spirit that had been begotten and carefully raised and nurtured by Him over eternity! - and with a body, heart, and mind made of what Elder Ballard's grandfather, Melvin J. Ballard, once called "unredeemed earth".  The first part of our test in this life was to learn to rule - ourselves.

This has staggering implications about the importance of agency. It has implicit ramifications of the importance of liberty, an essential condition every man needs to learn to govern himself, as Joseph Smith said, and not be compelled by any other man. And so it also suggests the importance of not exercising unrighteous dominion over anyone else that will inhibit the highest use of his agency.  As I've continued to ponder this idea of ruling over ourselves, another great truth has been revealed. It would seem that this desire to rule over, have dominion, or control - is actually godlike. It only makes sense that our Eternal Father would endow His children, through spiritual genetics, with this quality He possesses. It makes sense to me that we come from our heavenly home with the desire to order things, to be in charge of something, so we can do this important work of learning to be in charge of ourselves! And it's here where the destroyer and imitator can pervert and confuse. In a fallen world, if we're not careful, instead of doing the work of the day, which is to master and govern ourselves, we will turn our attentions to others, and meddle in their work. 

The purpose of this life is to learn to obey God - to follow His eternal, fixed, and unchanging law. You cannot do this for someone else. Everyone has to do it for himself. We violate others' agency when we try to force, intimidate, bully, browbeat, or even more subtly manipulate, or put on a guilt trip. Any aggression or subtlety we use to wangle our will upon the will of another child of God is unrighteous dominion.  

We don't have to look very far or think very long to know how Father values individual agency - He honors agency at all costs! Look at the price He paid to provide it - the life of His perfectly obedient Son!  We can help Him in honoring each other's agency by working to provide the optimum conditions for others to learn to obey themselves. This is the condition we all lived in while we lived in Father's presence for the eternities before we came to this earth. It is the one quality we are told throughout the scriptures will qualify us to live in His presence after this life, and is the second important thing we are here to learn. Mormon describes it in Moroni chapter 7:

"But charity if the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.

"Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure...." Moroni 7:47-48)

So. Our mission on this earth isn't just to gain a body - it's to tame that body! We are here to rule and reign over the tiniest of kingdoms, to see if we can be trusted with anything greater. And since God forces none of His children, our corresponding mission is to learn to have influence upon our brothers and sisters with the only thing that our Father uses to influence us - love. 

Now that is not to say that we aren't influenced by other forces in this universe. Our Father is a natural consequence Dad.  In the Declaration of Independence, Thomas Jefferson calls God the Creator in one place, and in another, he refers to the laws of nature, and of nature's God. We are absolutely influenced when we brush up against the natural, immutable laws of the universe, be they gravity, entropy, or chastity. But when we are battered and bruised by our encounters - whether they're a result of our own disobedience to natural law or inevitable fallout from living in a fallen world -  I have come to learn from my own experience that the only influence God will use to teach you about your unwise encounters with natural law is His mighty, all-encompassing love. He is the ultimate Father of the natural consequence, and waits - arms open - to receive you, comfort you, nurture you, and teach you a better way - as soon as you're ready.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell said: 

"It is important to understand that obedience is not simply a requirement of a capricious god who wants us to jump hurdles for him for the entertainment of the Royal Court. It is really the pleading of a loving Father to you and me to discover, as quickly as we can, what we will discover eventually, that there are key concepts and principles that make for happy survival in a planned but otherwise cold universe. Faith and obedience compensate for the shortfall that is true of each of us in terms of our limited experience and limited knowledge. We simply have to rely on these other things to carry us forward at times because our experience and our knowledge fall short. And that pleading from a loving Father, and His prophets here, is to spare us the kind of pain that we will feel if we will not listen."

Now, at this point, you may be wondering what any of this has to do with developing spiritual confidence!  Here it is. 

I found a little sleeper scriptural gem the other day - you know, one of those that pops out and you wonder, "when did they put that in there?" In Colossians 1:16, Paul says this about Christ being the creator of this world: "For by him were all things created... all things were created by him, and for him." 

That little world 'for' just jumped out at me, and the note I wrote in my scriptures, was... "even me." 

Sisters, all things are created for a reason. There is purpose in all of it. God needed light for our home; He made a sun. He needed something to cool the newly-fashioned earth; He created water. We need to eat; we create a meal. We want to express our feelings; we create a journal, or blog, or write a song, or paint a painting. Sadly, since we're flawed creatures living in a fallen world, sometimes we need attention, and we create chaos, or a crisis. All things that are created - are created for a reason. And that includes us. We started out as little intelligences in the vast expanses of the universe, and something about the way we responded to God's perfect light and love, even back then, caused Him to beget us and make us His children. He chose us, from the beginning, for a reason! And it was to become like Him. 

You have entered into the ultimate self-improvement program of the universe - God's plan of salvation! You have entered a covenant relationship with an exalted Being who is the ultimate life coach and mentor. He has the power to cleanse you, heal you, and transform you. HE. CAN. CHANGE. YOU. That is the good news of the gospel - you can change! You don't have to stay this way! You were made to become like your Maker!  As Ezra Taft Benson taught, you can do more with your life - with Jesus Christ - than you will ever be able to do on your own, without Him. 

You can have confidence before God as you take seriously your assignment to master yourself, and to provide your brothers and sisters with charity - the optimum environment they need to learn to master themselves.  Love is the condition that makes a person feel safe, and you need to feel safe to do the scary work of killing the natural man, or as C.S. Lewis called it, allowing the great Physician to perform the surgery on our hearts that will cut out all that is impure and unholy in us. This is serious business, to sign on for Father's plan - and I repeat: we have a life coach and mentor that we can trust completely, because He has never done anything but the Father's will from the beginning. Ever. I can scarcely take that in. Jesus Christ was truly the needed sacrificial Lamb without blemish. Before blood ever flowed in His veins, we bore testimony to our doubting brothers and sisters who were listening to Lucifer - John says in Revelation: "[we] overcame [Lucifer] by the blood of the Lamb, and the word of [our] testimony." (Revelation 12:11) Sisters - we knew we could trust Jesus Christ to do what He said He would do because He always had. 

To tie up this idea of governing only yourself, and leaving the work of governing someone else to himself, I want to leave you with the beautiful words of the Prophet Joseph Smith, ironically, when he was being held unjustly in Liberty Jail. These scriptures speak of why we can as Paul said in Hebrews, "come boldly unto the throne of grace". (Hebrews 4:16)  From D&C 121:34-46:

"34. Behold, there are many called, but few are chosen. And why are they not chosen?

"35. Because their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world, and aspire to the honors of men, that they do not learn this one lesson - 

"36. That the rights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness.

"37. That they may be conferred upon us, it is true; but when we undertake to cover our sins, or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved [because he never does it that way]; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man [or woman]. [And sisters, manipulation and passive aggression is also unrighteous dominion.]

"38. Behold, ere he is aware, he is left unto himself, to kick against the pricks, to persecute the saints, and to fight against God.

"39. We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men [and women], as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion.

"40. Hence many are called, but few are chosen.

"41. No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood [or in your home or apartment with roommates, family members, or with a spouse, or with children, or in your church callings], only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned.

"42. By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile - 

"43. Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost [this isn't chewing someone out - it's speaking up to correct when something is wrong, but only when prompted by the Holy Ghost!]; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;

"44. That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.

"45. Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly [and virtue is the ultimate mastery of self, and chastity is only one component of virtue. The opposite of virtue is vice - and if you have a vice you aren't in charge of yourself! Virtue is to master yourself.]; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distill upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.

"46. The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion [and sisters, we will need the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost in the days ahead], and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth [and who carries a scepter? A ruler. You will rule in your tiny little kingdom because you rule over yourself.]; and thy dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever."  (D&C 121:34-46)

Sisters, the reason I can testify to you of these things is because I have been taught them by the Holy Ghost. I have been taught by a member of the Godhead as a result of prayer, fasting, scripture study, and temple attendance.  There is a price to be paid to know these things, but I can tell you that it is a privilege to pay it, and you will never regret that you did. I pray that you have heard something today, through the influence of the Spirit, that you can take to your next coaching session with the Savior. Heavenly Father and the Savior are your best friends; they will help you! I testify that doing this work will make your life an adventure. Get after it; we're running out of time.

Hard Evidence: Aristotle Was Right

Five years ago, on an August afternoon, I saw a quilt like this hanging in one of my favorite quilt shops. Pine Needles was doing a "block of the month" class, and each of these adorable paper doll dresses was one of the monthly blocks - along with the two paper doll blocks, which reminded me of the Betsy McCall paper dolls that used to appear monthly in McCall's magazines. But, oh, the clothes...my response to seeing this quilt that day in the store was visceral - I WANTED IT. (please imagine a bigger font)  Everything about it - the fact that it was paper dolls in the first place, the fabric choices - even the tiny "tabs" of white grosgrain ribbon on the shoulders of the dresses - all of it hearkened back to endless happy hours from my childhood playing with real paper dolls.  

Before I knew it, I had pled with my mother to consider giving me my November birthday gift (money) and Christmas gift (money) - NOW, so I could purchase the kits that were available, finish out the year, and purchase the remaining kits so I could make this enchanting homage to one of my most cherished childhood memories. She agreed, happy birthday / Merry Christmas to me, the kits were in my home, I was ready to make it up!

Or... not.  Problem: I had taken one hand applique class, sort of learned how to hand applique, and in typical ADD fashion, the sample / practice block from the class was in... which drawer?  I did not have the skill set to make this quilt.

Please absorb that again: I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE THIS QUILT.

But... I WANTED it. I. WANTED. IT.

And thus began a kinetic experience that God used to teach me one of the most important lessons of my life. Again.
 
First, I dug out the practice applique from that one class I took a few whenevers ago...

If you look very carefully at this sweet little pillow, you will see that many of those apples have strange little non-applish lumps and bumps. The stems and leaves weren't too bad, but those apples...!  I worked on it for months to teach myself the technique of needle turn applique. Confession: to this day, I can't really "needle" turn as much as "finger" turn, with the help of my needle.   Let's just say, thank heavens it's not being graded by Mrs. Linford, my 8th grade home ec teacher.  The lumps and bumps don't really spoil the overall effect, don't you agree?

Then, as each apple got smoother and smoother, and I actually finished the pillow and decided I was ready to tackle the quilt.

A few months later, I decided I was really ready to tackle the quilt.

And a few months after THAT, I was really, truly - I MEAN IT THIS TIME - ready to TACKLE THE QUILT.

I decided I couldn't mess up a dress with mostly straight lines, so I started with this one. 

Emboldened by the success, I picked the next not-too-many-weird-little-curves looking dress..

And so continued on until one day, my denial could no longer deny that I had to make those dang dolls, and make gathered or pleated skirts, or tiny little balls - or tinier still little dolls! Again, I say, Mrs. Linford would not be impressed with some of the finer points of my workmanship. But I wasn't making this for Mrs. Linford, now was I?

 After the quilt came back from the quilter's - thank you, Cindy Leon, for your love, care, and brilliance on behalf of my heirloom! - I still had to learn one more untried skill - scalloping the edges and binding around those curves! And thank you to my long-time quilting buddy sister-friend, Connie Bell, for holding my hand yet again, and being a kinder, gentler home ec teacher, with the affectionate alias of Mrs. Pixton.  

Finally, this weekend - almost exactly five years after I first saw this quilt in Pine Needles, I hung my own version of it in my sewing room. Please believe me when I tell you this: I can't believe I made it. I can't believe I made this. When I first saw it, all I knew was that I wanted it...with only a hint of a clue of what was required to make it. 

I look at it now, and think of two powerful statements that teach the same lesson:

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."
  - Aristotle

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."  - Philippians 4:13

ALL things?  Make a quilt? Seriously?!?  

Yup.

Every single thing we do to grow makes us more like the only perfectly obedient Son, so He helps us. And why would Jesus Christ, with all the chaos and suffering in this world, help li'l ol' me, in my currently sheltered corner of the world, make a quilt?

1. It taught me patience. FOUR YEARS?  The pre-quilting me could not have conceived of sticking to this project and actually finishing it. Those four years? They would have passed anyway...and now I have a quilt!

2. It taught me perseverance. Almost the same as #1, but if you squint you'll see a finer point: with my highly distractable brain, steadily working on something, off and on, over four years, has given me a kinetic experience akin to perfecting my life. I have actually experienced, with my muscles, the process of sticking with something, over time, and changing because of it. I've experienced putting it down for long periods during those four years, and picking it up again, just as committed to finishing it as I ever was. 

3. It taught me that if I really want something completely out of reach, there is actually something inside me that doesn't shut down and dismiss it as impossible. That is never a bad thing to learn, especially because...

4. It taught me that I can, in very deed, become like Jesus Christ eventually. I can practice being like him every day, making lumpy bumpy apples and doing it quite badly. But because of His grace - both in allowing me the experience of practicing and having His Atonement clean up the messes I inevitably make along the way - I can keep at it, and over time, that grace will make me...enough. 

5. It taught me that God wants me to be happy. I mean seriously, it's only a quilt, right? But it makes me happy. And God - my Father - my Creator who takes joy in creating and calls His creations good - loves that I find joy when I copy Him in creating beauty.

It's a chatty little quilt, isn't it? If you know me very well, this shouldn't surprise you. :)  

George Washington...a Hobbit?

George Washington…a Hobbit?

Great fiction writers have taught me that there may not be such a thing as fiction at all.  Great fiction – the stories that transcend generations – are just a new way of telling a true story – the story of the human condition.
 

J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, with its make-believe hobbits, wizards, dwarves, hellish orcs, and celestial elves, is just such a story. In the very real battle of good versus evil that each of us fight every day, here are just a few lessons we learn from this fantastical battle of good versus evil:

Evil never sleeps – not ever. If it looks like it’s been defeated, it just goes underground to build its strength back up, restructure, and resurface to fight again.

The war between good and evil is waged on two fronts: it seems to be perpetually  moving over broad, sweeping landscapes with legions of soldiers; but it always starts deep inside one individual heart at a time.

The good who fight evil are in many cases not the “most likely to’s”.  And yet, when you see the task at hand – what must be done to battle evil this time, the small, the weak, the “least of these” end up being not only the only choice, but very often, the inevitable, and best choice.

When it comes right down to it, good would rather not fight at all. Those who are good look desperately for anyone else – ANYONE ELSE – to fight evil for them. Or, when the battle du jour is won, forgetting the reality of Lesson Number One – that evil never sleeps - they just want to go home.  Like the hobbits that so sweetly portray the truly good in this world, those who are good mostly just want to stay home, visit with friends, bask in the sweetness of the shire, and, of course, have lunch…since it’s been clear since elevensies since anyone has eaten.

The person in history who really got me thinking about this was George Washington – the most anti-hobbit-built military hero ever to mount a horse.  Tall, handsome, disciplined – the man looked, sounded, and acted like a man who was born to be followed into battle.  But underneath his Aragorn exterior, beat the heart of a Frodo Baggins.

Washington continued to find himself at just the right place at the right time – or the wrong place, at the wrong time – depending on how you want to look at it. Because of his extraordinarily high character, he continued to be needed at critical moments of the beginnings of the new nation of the United States.

But…he didn’t want the ring!  After the French and Indian War, he just wanted to go home. After the Revolutionary War, he just wanted to go home. After the Constitutional Convention, he just wanted to go home.  And finally, after serving two terms as president, he just…wanted…to go…home.  

With all his years of public service, away from home, there was no place Washington wanted to be more than Mount Vernon.  It was most definitely his shire.  And in spite of his lifelong yearning to be there, he responded to the call to serve  – every single time.

Benjamin Rush, one of the signers of the Declaration of Independence, said this:

“’To do good’ is the business of life. ‘To enjoy rest’ is the happiness of heaven. We pluck premature for forbidden fruit when we grasp at rest on this side of the grave.”

Tolkien’s stories hold a beautiful analogy that affirms that reality about life: the shire is an almost Eden-like memory, and the beauty of Rivendell is a mere hint of a more heavenly future existence. 

George Washington possessed a nobility of character that instinctively seemed to know this.  He said:

“How, in the end, will we be able to live with ourselves when we weren’t our highest self and didn’t do the right thing in the first place?”

              Tolkien created 6-toed hobbits…but our country’s beginnings depended on a living, breathing, 6-foot tall hobbit.  Both teach me that the fight isn’t over in this life, and call for something higher in me to step up and out…of my shire.